The Family Dinner
By Archer Crosley
If I had to stress one thing that you could do for your family to
enhance its quality and productivity, it would be the family dinner or
meal.
I believe there should be one meal per day where the family gets
together and shares a common experience.
The family dinner is not just a time to exchange pleasantries; the
family dinner is when the family sits down and reviews family affairs.
How are the kids doing in school? Is Johnny cleaning is room? Where
would they all like to go on summer vacation?
Communication is the key to having a successful family, and the family
meal is where an important part of family communication takes place.
One large difference, that I have noticed over the years, between a
family that is working well and one that is not is the level of
communication.
Having a family dinner can be tough when both parents are working and
the kids have varying schedules. Still, there should be at least fifteen
to twenty minutes per day when you can all sit down together.
The length of the meeting is not important; what is important is that
everyone, including kids, show up, and for these reasons:
The entire point of the family dinner is to make your family better and
more cohesive; it’s a working meeting; it’s not a “show meeting” to give
you the parent the illusion that you are living the life of the perfect
family (which does not exist anyway).
These meetings provide the opportunity for you the parent to impress
your values. Basic civil values such as giving thanks, using words like
please and thank you, and asking to be excused from the table are
important to the development of your child. These values teach your
child how to more effectively communicate with others now and in the
future.
Too many families make the mistake of breaking up the family dinner as
the kids get into the teen-age years. I think that is a mistake; your
teen-agers are far from being adults; and there is still a lot that they
can learn from you. Don’t forfeit your involvement to a television set
in their room (where they go to eat by themselves) or another youth who
just wants your kids to bum around and engage in activities that they
are not yet ready to handle.
Teen-agers are not adults yet; and they require more involvement more so
than ever. There are plenty of ways for teen-agers to express their
independence; the family meal should not be one of them.
If they don’t like it, too bad. You're the one with the experience, and
you’re the one paying the bills and the clean-up expense for their
mistakes.
Make your children attend the family dinner, and make sure that their
privileges are contingent upon that.
Your kids will thank you in the long run.
About the Author
Archer Crosley, MD has been practicing pediatrics for over 25 years and is the
author of What Successful Families Do, The Bald Truth about Parenting. Dr.
Crosley lives in McAllen, Texas. Dr. Crosley graduated from the University of
Kansas Medical School in 1982. He finished his residency in pediatrics at the
University of Texas Health Science Center in San Antonio in 1985. For more
information visit
www.baldmommy.com.
Used With Permission
