Give Presence Not Presents
By Chick Moorman & Thomas Haller
www.PersonalPowerPress.com
The holiday season is fast approaching and
many parents are concerned about the family financial situation and the
money problems they may be experiencing? As if rising food prices, stock
market instability and skyrocketing health care costs weren’t enough,
parents now have the added concern of finding available money to put a
few presents under the Christmas tree or share a gift during the
family’s Hanukkah celebrations.
The giving of gifts is an honored tradition in most homes during the
holiday season. Many parents are wondering what they will give this year
as they tighten the money belt and attempt to weather the financial
storm through the holiday.
Perhaps the answer lies in the gifts that are given. Give children what
they really want from their parents, presence not presents. All children
spell love T-I-M-E. What we can give to them is our attention, our
availability, our mindfulness, our closeness, our time.
Are you being fully present with your children? Can you let go of your
worry about money and the giving of gifts? Can you suspend your agenda
to focus on theirs? Can you learn to be there for and with your
children?
Consider the following suggestions as a way to give the most important
present, your presence this holiday season.
Be there regardless of what you are doing. The holiday season requires
an added measure of balancing kid’s schedules, work responsibilities,
visiting family, cooking elaborate meals as well as regular requirements
of keeping up with the laundry, etc.. When feeling pulled in several
directions many parents turn to multi-tasking. We’re suggesting that you
avoid the urge to multi-task and strive to stay focused on the moment at
hand. When you sit with your children, whether it’s to play a game or
read a book, give them your undivided attention.
Make a “Be” choice. How you choose to “be” affects whatever you choose
to do. When you are with your children choose to be interested in what
they are interested in. Choose to be happy that you have the time to
focus on their needs and wants. Choose to be excited about the time you
have with them. Even when misbehavior occurs in your children, choose to
be glad that you have the opportunity to help them learn a new behavior
or a new way to communicate a desire or express a feeling.
Focus on listening rather than telling. Children spend a great portion
of their day following directions such as, pick up your clothes, make
your bed, sit down, be quiet, go play, chew with your mouth closed, stop
picking on your brother, hang up your coat, brush your teeth. The list
of commands seem unending. Remember, children have valuable things to
say too. Many times parents get so focused on telling that they forget
to listen. Value your children’s opinion. Allow opportunities to vent.
Embrace their point of view. Invite suggestions. Listen to their voice.
Connect physically. Touch is a powerful way to communicate “I love you.”
Get close and touch your children’s heart with a warm embrace or a
gentle squeeze of the shoulder. Snuggle under a blanket and read
together. Go for a walk and lock hands. Wrestle on the living room
floor. Distribute hugs, smiles, winks and an occasional high five.
Connect emotionally. Feelings are always more important than things.
Create an environment where it is safe to be emotional. Encourage the
expression of feelings. Allow your feelings to extend to your children
as you share traditions, reflect on holidays past and gather as a
family. Have empathy, compassion and understanding.
Unplug from the electronic world. The television, computer, video games,
and ipods have the potential to create a disconnect from personal
interaction. Unplug, turn it off, and walk away. While riding in the car
unplug the headphones, turn off the DVD player and tell your children a
story about the day they were born or about a favorite holiday memory.
Shut down the computer, turn off the x-box and play a game of chess,
checkers or monopoly together. Stand up, walk away from the TV and go
shoot baskets, skip rope, or ride bikes with your child.
Play by the kid’s rules. Play with your children at their level. Build
mud pies, jump in rain puddles, roll down a hill, spray shaving cream on
the kitchen table and join in the creation of artistic designs. Cover
the driveway in sidewalk chalk. Let your children take the lead and
change the rules of a game if they want. Know that play, no matter how
childish or silly it may appear, is an investment in connecting with
your children. Play regularly and remember the reason for play is to
play, not to win.
Make a commitment this holiday season to give the best gift you can give
by being present in your child’s life. Be active and interactive on a
daily basis with your children. Be the parent you were called to be.
Give your presence.
About The Author
Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of Teaching the Attraction
Principle to Children: Practical Strategies for Parents and Teachers to Help
Children Manifest a Better World. They are two of the world's foremost
authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a
free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or to obtain more information
about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs visit their
website today:
www.personalpowerpress.com.
Used With Permission
