Bringing Baby Home: Your Postpartum Plan
By Lucy J. Puryear, M.D.,
Author of Understanding Your Moods When You're Expecting
You went in to this pregnancy with one goal in mind; bringing a new baby
into your home. One of the most important ways you can prepare for this
enormous event is to make plans for those first six weeks after
delivery. Bringing a baby home is not about what color is right for the
nursery or do the socks I bought match the outfit Aunt Doris sent? There
are more important issues to consider before you carry that cuddly sweet
bundle across the threshold.
The most important plans include: What kind of help will I need when I
get home? Who will come to visit and when? Will your husband take off
work during the first week, or will he wait until later when the company
is gone. How will you make sure you get enough sleep? Having a
well-thought-out plan will help decrease the sense of being overwhelmed
when the nurse puts the baby in your arms and you realize this new
little person is going home with you. It also will minimize your risk of
developing anxiety and depression.
For some women, the answer to these questions is easy: Mom of course.
Some new grandmothers go into superwoman mode when there is a new baby
in the house. They cook, clean, do laundry, and get up with the baby in
the middle of the night. But not every woman is so lucky, or this plan
may not work for you. If, for example, you don't have a good
relationship with your mother or mother-in-law immediately after the
birth might not be the best time for her to visit. A newborn will stress
even the healthiest relationship, let alone one where there is already
resentment or hurt feelings. In these cases, ask your mother or
mother-in-law to come when the baby is four to six weeks old. You will
fell physically better and have a better handle on how to care for your
baby. Tell her you want her to come when you'll be more settled and have
more time to enjoy her visit. If she insists on coming immediately after
the baby is born, explain that you have a plan for who will be helping
when and ask her to honor that. She's welcome to come, but when you and
your baby come home from the hospital, your needs must take priority.
Do not schedule all of your help to come for the first two weeks. Many
new mothers have described to me the total terror they felt when all of
the relatives went home and they were alone. You go from having too many
hands to having none. Ask you mother to come the first week, your
mother-in-law the second, your sister the third, and your best friend
from Albuquerque the fourth. They will enjoy not having to compete with
one another to hold the baby and will have more of your attention. You
will enjoy not being overwhelmed with company and will be glad to have
the help spread out over a longer period of time. By the end of the
fourth week, you should be feeling much more confident in your role as a
new mother.
Some new families decide that they want to get used to the new baby
without outside interference during the first week. This can work well
as long as your partner understands that you will need a lot of help.
Other families decide to wait until all the relatives have gone home for
the father to take time off from work. That way, he can be with his new
family after things have calmed down. It might not make sense for Dad to
take time off when there is other help available and he will be
competing with being part of the team.
Remember this is your baby and your new family. Make sure that you feel
like you're in charge and can ask for the help you need, when you need
it.
©2008 Lucy J. Puryear, M.D.
Adapted from Understanding Your Moods When You're Expecting by Lucy
Puryear, copyright (c) Lucy Puryear. Reprinted by permission of Houghton
Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.
About The Author
Lucy Puryear is a practicing psychiatrist specializing in women's reproductive mental health. She has been director of the Baylor Psychiatry Clinic, Baylor College of Medicine, and was an expert witness for the defense in the trial of Andrea Yates. She is the mother of four and lives in Houston, Texas.
Used With Permission
