SuperLazy Dad
By Armin Brott
www.mrdad.com
Dear Mr. Dad: I’m the mother of five kids under six and I’m on the verge
of divorce. The problem is that I am taking care of the kids
single-handedly and my husband hardly lifts a finger. When he does, I
complement him, and I never criticize the way he does things. He’s a
doctor and works long hours, but am I expecting too much for him to make
a meal once in a while, do some laundry, or wash a few dishes? I know
men see things differently than women but he seems to be a little
extreme. How much help can I realistically expect?
A: The short answer to your question is that you should realistically
expect a heck of a lot more help from your husband. If you were running
a day care you probably couldn't get a license to care for that many
kids by yourself.
Sounds like you're doing just about everything right--you're supportive,
encouraging, and you've relaxed your standards a little. So now it's
time for your husband to step up to the plate.
The two of you need to sit down and talk over your various roles and the
expectations you have for each other. If he's working full time, it's
reasonable—to a point--for you to do most of the child-related things.
But not all, if for no other reason than he's missing out on having any
kind of relationship with his kids.
At the risk of stereotyping doctors, are you able to afford to hire
someone to help you out part-time? At the very least, you can probably
hire someone to come in for three or four hours a week and cook a week
or two’s worth of meals. My wife and I have done this on occasion and
it's wonderful. With all your other responsibilities, it might take you
two days to get the same thing done.
Finally, consider going on strike. Your husband may rethink his position
when he runs out of clean underwear and has to start making his own
lunches and dinners. It’s perfectly reasonable for you to tell him that
you’re overworked and the only way you can make sure the kids are taken
care of is to give up a few other jobs.
About The Author
Armin Brott’s bestselling
books , including The Expectant Father and the
recent release Fathering Your School Age Child , have helped millions of
men around the world become the fathers they want to be—and their
children need them to be. Armin has been a guest on
hundreds of radio
and television shows, writes a nationally syndicated column, “Ask Mr.
Dad,” and hosts a weekly radio show. He and his family live in Oakland,
California. For more information visit
www.mrdad.com.
Used With Permission
